Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
