Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
