He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
