The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
