I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
try to milk me bitch
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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