hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
