theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
