Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
