Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
