Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
