Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
