The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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