I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
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