Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
