"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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