I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
