If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
