I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
