Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Houston, we have a squirter
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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