he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
PANTIES FOUND
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