so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
