the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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