sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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