You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
