she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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