I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
