So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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