How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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