You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
