its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
