fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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