Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
