yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
