I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
