Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
