Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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