took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
