Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
