Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
