That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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