This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
