My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
