omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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