Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
