i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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