We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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