Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
