Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
