nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
