a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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