I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
