a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
