next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
